Tacking into the Wind…Excellent post by Jenny Walklate

Tacking into the Wind…Excellent post by Jenny Walklate

http://www.jobs.ac.uk/blogs/just-higher-ed/2013/08/30/tacking-into-the-wind/

It has been a tough few weeks. Various events have left our household rather glum, and these have piled up on top of my already delicate mood. I’ve been without income for almost a year now, have finally graduated and officially left the university which I belonged to for so long, have my office on the dining room table of my partner’s parent’s house, and have so far had one job interview, at which I was unsuccessful. I’m watching the rest of my generation do well in their careers, buy homes, and generally display all the signs of fully grown human adults. I find it galling that I have worked so hard to try to get the best education and qualifications I could only to find myself left behind. That’s a function of staying in education longer, I suppose; whilst I might have gone further academically, I’ve been outclassed by their ability at life in general. I admit it – I’m jealous of them, their maturity, their experience, their stability. But I made the choice I did, and it means that I have to wait for those things just a little longer. I won’t have the life that those people have; but that’s okay.

The worst part about my current situation is the lack of paid work. I can’t do anything until I have work, and unemployment makes me feel trapped. I’ve applied again and again, but keep being rebuffed. I’ve never really experienced such constant rejection before; whilst at university, you’re relatively protected, and even critical responses to things you do are cushioned by explaination. But in regard to jobs, all you get sent are pro forma letters that read “Unfortunately, you have been unsuccessful”. It’s beginning to drain the well of confidence I had amassed from the validation offered by my colleagues and tutors, and even wearing out the booster jab provided by the people outside the university who have chosen to take a punt on me – Jobs.ac.uk, for instance. Every time I’m told something isn’t right, or I make a mistake, I feel like a massive failure in a way I wouldn’t have before.

There are lots of us in similar situations at the moment, of that I’m fairly sure: uncertain young researchers heading out from their doctoral apprenticeship on the path of the journeyman academic, and meeting new kinds of hardship along the way. It isn’t easy being green, but you can do things to help improve your lot.

If you are failing to find employment, it is worth revisiting old applications and asking why they failed. Sometimes, the answer might be to do with the institution, in which case you can do nothing about it. But if you discover errors, inconsistencies, or lack of clarity in your applications, or discover you aren’t showing yourself at your best or making yourself appealing to individual institutions, these are problems you can solve. It is hard, and sometimes soul-destroying, but recognising, accepting and dealing with your own failings is an important part of moving on in life. You might have a PhD, but you sure as heck ain’t perfect.

Neither is it any good to sit on your laurels. There are two reasons for this. Firstly, doing nothing and just waiting for that perfect job to appear will make your applications gradually weaker, and that is precisely what you do not need. But this is not the most important reason – that is something far more personal. You have to keep doing things to keep your mind active, to experiment with new ideas and forms of expression, to keep up to date. This way, you will gain confidence in your ability to work independently of any external validation. I realised that it isn’t just habit and tenacity that keeps an unemployed researcher doing the things that researchers do – though it might not feel like it, it’s also confidence, confidence in your abilities, ideas, and confidence in the value of showing them to the rest of the world. I’m still writing this blog, still writing papers for journals and conferences, so perhaps I have more of that baseline confidence than I realised.

Seeking employment and the validation it brings can sometimes feel Sisyphian. But to give up in the face of something which can sometimes seem pointless is to throw away everything you’ve worked for. If you find another path that makes you happier, take it – but don’t simply give up. In the end, all humanity is, in universal terms, inconsequential, and our only validation comes from ourselves. In order to meet the force of the wind, embrace your own absurdity, and the absurdity of your course, and never, ever, stop working.